Evan Jenkins @ejenk@schelling.pt

Still writing “Elizabeth Holmes is not a convicted felon” on my checks

I, Bobby Crush, am running for Congress in order to spend less time with my children.
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RT @HydeParkHerald
The 15-term congressman said he wants to spend more time with his grandchildren.
https://www.hpherald.com/news/local/bobby-rush-to-retire-after-30-years-in-congress/article_34a4bf0c-6cfb-11ec-8bf5-bfc27393bd77.html
https://twitter.com/HydeParkHerald/status/1478197321930358788

⁣

Can’t believe they’re going to send a woman to prison simply for being a girlboss

Perhaps I was the greatest Bobby Rusher—to judgment

Hey Siri how do I delete a tweet

Kinda weird that Bobby Rush has been my congressman for half my life yet we have never engaged in sexual congress

I will also legally change my name to Bobby Crush
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RT @mrchan
@ejenk More like Bobby Crush (cars)
https://twitter.com/mrchan/status/1478141088191840256

If this gets 1,000 retweets, I will run for Bobby Rush’s vacant congressional seat on a #BanCars platform.

It’s true—I’m running for governor.
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RT @MaryAnnAhernNBC
Huge IL political news. Coming up @nbcchicago at 5p.
https://twitter.com/MaryAnnAhernNBC/status/1478136489930285063

assume a spherical slut

I will not eat the snow. I will not live in the igloo.

“We don’t serve decaf at night” was a thing that was just said to me 🤔

This is the single most fucked up thing that Germany has ever done

Kinda fucked up that High German is spoken in the south of Germany and Low German is spoken in the north of Germany

"all my vapes gone" —Grover Norquist

"all my shapes gone" —wordcel cc @tszzl

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RT @ejenk
me on twitter
https://twitter.com/ejenk/status/1465180985134395395

cc @SeedOilDsrspctr this ones a banger

all my ((g)r)apes(eed oil) gone