quote from Dan Savage https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/10/podcasts/ezra-klein-show-transcript-dan-savage.html which illustrates why i feel suspicious of this phenomenon and how gendered it is
that left them feeling terrible, and the guy doesn’t even realize, right, because he’s so thoughtless about it, because he hasn’t projected himself into the woman’s experience."
like ... I have hooked up with guys who are absolutely capable of dealing with this stuff (it's not difficult, it's just that guys are in such a hurry :P)
and ... I can't help but worry that the problem here is that many guys can't conceive of this as a mode of interaction?