@adiz @theorytoe @jeff it sucks. there's nothing you can really do about it. it's a dynamic heavily present in fedi where defederating to curate your own feed - a perfectly reasonable thing to do - became defederating as a moral act, where inaction counts as allowance or tacit agreement with things you didn't defederate (as judged by consensus and whether you were aware of these things even existing being irrelevant)
personally i don't defederate anyone. i have a high tolerarance for seeing dipshits and or distasteful things. not everyone is like this! i don't think someone is a snowflake or whatever if they'd rather not see slurs or people talking about child pussy or whatever, that is something understandable. i've personally decided that the potential upsides of defederating as little as possible (finding in "problematic" instances legitimately interesting people) far outweight the benefits of not seeing really boring posts that are just slurs copy pasted; but some other admins might not want to do that
but these two philosophies are not at all incompatible. if someone is bothered by what federating with me puts on their federated timeline (a feed that as far as i can tell barely anyone can see) federated_timeline_removal perfectly serves to fix that problem while still letting me talk to users on their instance and users on theirs to mine. it is a non issue.
it doesn't bother me that i don't get to talk to this or that obviously profoundly dull admin who has nothing better to do than sit at their computer and moralise about who i decide to allow to talk to me - it bothers me that there might have been interesting people in their instance i do not get to talk to anymore.
mastodon.art is a perfect example of that. chances are a lot of their users might not have wanted to speak to me on their own, but since they are a big mastodon instance, i imagine they have a large influx of users new to the fediverse who don't quite understand how federation work who it would be fantastic to see more of; i want more art, i want more creativity. and now i can't see it
a lot of the
#darkfedi (a name they gave us for some reason) takes the stance that this is the trash taking itself out. people who defederate you for not defederating are uninteresting and uncurious people anyways. and i'd mostly agree. the unfazed attitude you have to have in the side of fedi where you can say mostly anything means it's full of interesting weirdos, and ultimately that's what i look for in fedi, so screw the weenie masto side - but there is a middle ground of more normal less unhinged but nevertheless worthwhile people who, while not happy to be here and see everything, would be perfecty fine with a more selective blocking policy, and they're often spooked by the hyperstition cycle of accusations where you not defederating a racist instance turns into you being a racist instance or not defederating a pedo instance means you're a pedo insance or whatnot
i don't let it get to me because yknow, why bother, but it is frustrating at times