Corn Woman 🌽 @WomanCorn@schelling.pt
My Progress Quest character has reached level 92, Act XXIV, an wields a +79 Heavy Stabbity Morning Star.
I propose that the best way to watch _The Hobbit_ is to just watch the preview for part one that was just the dwarves singing, then read the book.
The answer is... not really.
You can cut out all the extra crap, but you can't fix the fact that the scriptwriters wrote Thorin as a jerk for 90% of the movie.
(I watched a fan edit calling itself "The Tolkien Edit" which cut everything not in _The Hobbit_.)
Today's question:
Can you make a good movie of _The Hobbit_ by just cutting out all the extra crap Peter Jackson added to bloat it into a trilogy?
I'll let you know what I find.
It's pretty cute. If you think you'd like it, just watch it. Worst case, you lose, what, an hour or two?
(If it doesn't sound like something you'd like, don't watch it. But that's widely applicable advice.)
That's all there is.
What's my takeaway?
Well, it's exactly what it looks like: newlywed odd couple slice of life.
With 3 minute runtime, it's hard to build up any sort of tension, even for humor purposes. On the other hand, when it fails, you've only invested 3 minutes.
Testing shows they'll be having a daughter.
After a bit of a fight over what name would be food, they draw a name suggestion blindly.
Their daughter's name will be Sayoko.
Kaoru is starting to get a little nervous. They keep letting her off work early because she's pregnant. What if... they don't need her anymore? Luckily, Hajime knows just what to say.
--
Hajime has his own concerns. Is he really doing this right? Maybe he needs to try harder.
Kaoru's coworker is getting divorced because her husband is cheating on her. Luckily, Hajime would never cheat... unless you count 2D girls, in which case he's cheating constantly.
This leads to a flashback of a love triangle back when they first met.
A flashback shows us Hajime and Youta in their youth. Life is hard for femboys, but at least his older brother sticks up for him.
--
They visit Hajime's parents over the holiday. His father is shocked to discover that he actually got married and it wasn't a prank.
One of the other couples gets a flashback episode of how they got together.
--
Hajime goes to comiket. Kaoru reconnects with her girlfriends.
Does absence make the heart grow fonder? It looks like yes.
Does Kaoru have a hobby? Is bowling a hobby? She has her own ball and everything. Certainly makes for a good outing with all the couples.
--
Youta wants to go professional with his manga. Kaoru gets him an assistantship with an old classmate.
They go to Kaoru's hometown for a walk down memory lane.
--
A run-in with an old friend leaves Kaoru wondering if she and Hajime are actually compatible. Not by blood type or astrology, anyway. Hajime shows her how to really know.
(Shoop shoop.)
Okay, now Kaoru is pregnant.
Just in time for season 2.
Kaoru has a nightmare about her life when she was single. It's good to have a partner.
--
It's Christmas, and Kaoru has to work. Hajime will hang out with friends. (Oops, he doesn't have any.) Can he hang out with her friends? It sucks being the only one without their spouse.
They spend a day looking after a relative's kid. It's cute.
--
A flashback to their first date. It's cute.
--
Previous claims of pregnancy are a misreading. But they're thinking seriously about it.
Hajime: How about Shinji if it's a boy and Rei if it's a girl?
Kaoru collapses from overwork she's pregnant. Also, she needs to quit smoking. Hajime goes a little too far in caring for her until she yells at him to stop being fake.
--
Kaoru is embarrassed at her incompetence at cooking. She gets help and advice from her father. (a pro.)
Hajime attempts to get a real job. Kaoru will be happy that she can explain what her husband actually does when people ask.
--
Kaoru is a mean (and horny) drunk. Can Hajime keep her from making a fool of herself? No. But there are upsides.
Continuity lasting the entire episode appears!
Youta (Hajime's brother) has no (offline) friends outside of a manga club. When some of Hajime's friends have an offline meetup, he invites Youta along.
