Upon retreating to his home, she makes a proper introduction: her name is Mai, and she is a Santa in training.
Alas, her powers are weakened because people just don't believe in Santa these days.
Things go from bad to worse when He knocks a Christmas cake out of the hands of a gangster, ruining it.
She leaps to his defense with outrageous conjurations, and the help(?) of her (plush) reindeer, Pedro.
They flee in the confusion.
Now, she has Santa magic, which allows her to create anything starting with "San-". A montage of untranslatable jokes follows, where she misunderstands what he's doing and attempts to improve it by materializing some ridiculous object.
Shenanigans ensue.
Because he was born on December 24th, and his parents named him Santa.
Rough break.
She collapses with laughter.
But no, she says, okay, it was kind of funny, but she wants to make him happy.
He says to leave him alone, he's perfectly happy the way he is.
This is a lie.
Our boy exclaims he wants nothing to do with her, but it's no good. Her capture doesn't take, and she detects his misery with her Santa senses.
He flees. She chases.
He declares that he hates Christmas and Santa.
But why?
This is when a cute girl asks if he wants to spend the night with her.
When he blushes, she smacks him: not like that, you pervert!
She's Santa Claus; bringer of joy and gifts to children everywhere.
Such protests do not help when the police drag her away.
When do people stop believing in Santa, wonders our narrator.
At four? Five? When they find the gifts hidden in the closet?
He was never fooled. Maybe because his gifts can by mail.
For unknown reasons, his parents were never around at Christmas.
Santa Claus has been kidnapped by Daemons!
Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Santa Claus?
The cause is that, even though I switched from "home" to "latest", they decided to put them side by side as tabs, and put me on "home" even though I opted out of that shit months ago.
And random tweets from people that people I follow follow.
If I wanted to see friend-of-a-frined shit, I'd be on Facebook!
Content Preferences: Don't put shit I didn't ask for in my timeline.
God damn @Twitter, why do you keep screwing this up?