watched the celene interview about recent murders. at one point celene says, "if you have a narrative in which you want to die, and you're just staying alive so that you can save the world ..."

which i do, and for a long time.

apparently celene found wanting-to-live-ness, i wondered if i should try asking for the same.. but if i simulate it, i don't think anyone could help.

i should instead conclude that this is a valid way of being. that it's okay to not like this world. this is comforting.