if you're a trusted node in a whisper network you can isolate someone who won't doubt you by telling them how everyone they know is some kind of abuser (or even better: not saying it outright but implying it every time the person is brought up, so that it's deniable)

it happened to me and i've seen it happen to others too

this kind of thing happened often enough that i've lowered the importance of hearing "x is an abuser" statement to almost nil, *especially* if the reasoning behind it boils down to "x has bad vibes", whether stated that way or rationalized into some esoteric chain of thought

action can only be taken on specific behaviors likely to affect me or those i care about in specific ways

probably the most corrosive variation on this is "i don't allow myself to get angry because anger and conflict are bad, but depicting someone as [more] abusive is fine"

in one case this involved fabricated (it was admitted later by the one making them) claims of threats of violence and malicious self-harm

i don't know what to believe anymore. not everything people say, that's for sure

it's true that i went through some truly fucked shit. maybe whisper networks work fine for everyone else. who knows

personally, i found that learning to stand up for myself is a lot more useful than fearful avoidance