dealing with depression. i think the worst is past me. but it was worse than in last like 6-ish years.

gonna be reeling for a while and not sure when/if i'll be "fully back". if that's to happen, probably gonna need some big brain refactoring. sounds hard but maybe there's a way to change so i don't get myself hurt in the same exact way every N months-years.
(I guess it's change the environment or change the agent, and environment is recalcitrant-er.)

wish me luck and send f's in the chat