remembering parts of yourself you havent embodied in a while can be sobering, melancholy inducing; a reminder of all the people you used to be, the possible futures you chose against. some part of each universe lives on inside you, in the self-aspect which would have generated it
when we fantasize about possible worlds, we let ourselves play personality dress-up, try on various goals & priorities, aesthetic choices; this can be a sort of steam release valve, giving us an outlet for all those what-ifs. each daydream is a simulation of what could have been
how much can you change before you become a different person? where do you draw the line between your identity and someone else's?
I've crawled out of the husks of previous selves too many times to remember
sometimes this is a one way transition
can't recall being the previous
my current self is a utilitarian one, bound by the constraints of family and practicality, characterized by a certain grim determination
but I have inhabited others in the past, other selves which were not like this
and one day I'll likely outgrow this exoskeleton as well
in what ways is the molt of an insect comparable to the shedding of a personality construct? of a sense of cognitive proprioception, the sense-making toolset we use at a certain stage of our life?
do we not leave behind certain lenses as we grow, put down old concepts?
we do not all emerge as butterflies
but thru iterated molts, we do approach that structure which best adapts us to our lives
there is beauty to be found in each, but certain ones require a bit more looking
I imagine, sometimes, attending a party with all of my alternate selves, hearing about their lives, watching their mannerisms, self expression; I can see the choice deltas which would have lead me to each one, but I can't always inhabit their perspectives
how far is too far?