people really do be out here treating questions as attacks due to a cached trauma reaction to growing up embedded in an adversarial culture in which questioning was typically a prelude to a boundary violation

I run into this headfirst constantly; being a voraciously curious person, seeing something I don't understand, including human behavior, makes me want to dig into it until I do. some people don't believe my stated intentions, however, assuming I'm gearing up to harm them somehow

it took me a long time to understand how someone could think this; isn't curiosity universal? doesn't everyone want to UNDERSTAND? eventually I realized that, no, not really; most are content with not understanding many things, and hence don't trust those that aren't. it's tough

when I see my roommate do a household task in a way which makes no sense to me, my automatic reaction is to ask why; I'm not necessarily implying it's wrong! it's entirely possible for it to be somehow better than my way, which is why I want to know! but I'm seldom believed

it's the same thing at work, altho this is somewhat complicated by professional norms and work culture. i strive to encourage my teammates to always be willing to question anything & to explain themselves without being defensive, but many are unwilling to "expose" themselves thus

I do sometimes find it hard to distinguish whether someone's being avoidant bc they don't trust my intentions, or bc they don't know the answer and are trying to hide behind the norms; this is important, bc the latter is not acceptable imo, especially at work. know thyself!

I would love to live in a world where it was considered perfectly acceptable to question everything, and conversely, to either have answers for why you do anything you do, or to straight up just say "I don't know", which is fine! but many seem utterly terrified of admitting this