*me, blindfolded, throwing a dart at a spinning board that, in addition to '80s tabletop RPGs', has things like 'learn a new skill' and 'volunteering'*

"oh boy I wonder what I hit"

If your luggage makes it around the carosel even once you're ngmi

Don't ever leave a lock in the unlocked state. You want to avoid situations where a person can lock something (either intentionally or from just fidgeting) but not unlock it. In the worst case, this can be fatal. Keeping it locked makes you prove you have the key before using it.

My wife: *Texts me about how she was brought to tears by her grandmother's 100th birthday celebration at the local church*

Me who almost cried earlier thinking about Gohan defeating Cell: "Definitely an emotional day"

"I went to a guru to get healed by the power of love, and he said 'okay but don't eat for 3 hours before your appt'. What's *that* about huh?"

"Please stop talking to the hostages"

Orifices to bleed out of ranked from best to worst:
- nose
- vagina
- mouth
- anus
- ears
- penis
- eyes

Regex anxiety is a red flag - like a chef that is afraid of knives

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You have a problem. You use regular expressions. You now have solved your problem with a tool used by thousands and thousands of engineers for decades.

Everybody gangster until the Gangster Ways And Standards Act goes into effect in 2024

close one - almsot sent someone a screenshot with "24/7 friendship simulator" still visible in the searchbar

🎄SATAN'S POW'R (to save us all from)🎄

Babe are you okay? You haven't touched your Short-Timelines Fire Alarm

Pithomancer: meta-magician who transmutes spells into shorter, more exciting to say versions

The average length of time between when you solve a problem and when you learned the information used to solve it is called your "rubber band quotient". Just kidding, it's not actually called that.

whale_info boosted

@WHALEINFO Remember when Bush said "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully"? People mocked him for that but I genuinely believe that it's a beautiful hope.

Constantly taking my hood on and off because both putting it on (going Dark) and removing it (revealing oneself) are extremely cool moves

Sorry, the gimp suit stays on during sex <3

"hey you should make an anonymous feedback form"


a Schelling point for those who seek one