🌻 kiwi 🌻 @pareinoia@schelling.pt

so it turned out to be garlic & herb & lemon & spinach cream cheese so uh... cool dream, thanks brain. I then mixed it all together and mashed up the bits of lemon so they'd spread all over

wtf kind of flavor is lemon & spinach though

had a dream that I was eating garlic & herb cream cheese & my friend came over & was like "ooh is that lemon & spinach cream cheese?" so I said "no it's garlic & herb, what?" but then when I dug around at the bottom of the container I found all the bits of lemon & spinach

tell me you're eastern european without telling me you're eastern european

used to have some serious drip

gremlin

that video of MTG is going to show up in my nightmares. that open mouth laugh dear god lol

she is 100% like the crazy people in the NYC subways, it's uncanny. how is she allowed to hold office

tired: making up a type of guy and getting mad about it
wired: making up a type of guy and getting horny about it

a wise man taught me this trick and good lord I hated his guts for making me drink that nasty shit for a couple months but then the one time I forgot to after that, and then actually had a hangover again, I was suddenly completely sold

I thought this was common knowledge but some of you (N ≥ 2, so no I'm not calling anyone out individually) need to learn this & then apply the knowledge

also, when you wake up in the morning, take 2 Advil with a LOT of water then go back to sleep for a little bit. hangover gone by the time you wake up again.

(I think the Advil thing also works before bed? but I've never tried it)

want to (mostly) stop having hangovers?

buy yourself an electrolyte drink mix (e.g. Pedialyte). force yourself to drink 1 full serving before you go to sleep after drinking. it might taste bad but it will be SO WORTH IT, I promise you.

walk out into the living room and my cats start acting like weeping angels. if I die please know that I love all of you

fucking died laughing at being included in this story. y'all should read it if you aren't already, it's got lots of familiar faces
---
RT @Det_Grusome
As I walk towards the downstairs, I take a look at my neighbors door. Hoping she notices my steps and tries to catch me walking out. She's a feral Cat but "🥵". Also overheard she's autistic; so I need to be patient with her. Probably for the best, I don't have time right now.
https://twitter.com/Det_Grusome/status/1393089976254885891

obligatory @plesmasquerade tag

my following number is cursed

and taking intravenous shots of horse testosterone