🌻 kiwi 🌻 @pareinoia@schelling.pt

won't bore you with details, but this apartment is nigh unrecognizable compared to 1-2 years ago. lockdown especially was a big motivator — once that started, I put together an office area for myself literally overnight. then I kept upgrading it. I made it my own.

suddenly the apartment wasn't so dreary looking, and I felt like I could actually take steps to make it nicer.

so I did. and then, for the first time ever, I was picking new furniture based on *aesthetics* rather than just utility. I put together a place I'm proud to show off.

yellow lights all throughout. I *hate* warm white light. it fills me with dread. I don't know why.

changing the lights was the first major step on my path to feeling better. I got off my ass, I swapped them for daylight bulbs, and suddenly I felt... in control of my own life.

a few months after the breakup. not that I couldn't take care of it myself, but it carried this strange, heavy symbolism that was hard to shake.

and I hated the place. old, ugly furniture, everything haphazardly arranged, didn't even have a place to work, no desk or anything.

and then it was just me. everything I had to do with no help, such as cleaning, carried a psychological weight in addition to the added manual labor. everything kept screaming at me "you're alone, you're alone, you're alone!" I broke down crying when I had a mouse problem

the anxiety came from a few different places. after I'd gotten out of a long-term relationship with a live-in boyfriend, I was suddenly living truly alone for the very first time in my life. first it was my mom, then roommates, then roommates + boyfriend, then just boyfriend.

as recently as a year ago, being at home filled me with anxiety, dread, loneliness, melancholy. I tried to minimize my time at home to avoid this, but whenever I returned, the unease & deafening silence would crash down on me.

and now it's the ultimate source of comfort & peace.

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RT @guhnebulous

https://twitter.com/guhnebulous/status/1366142560092229635

finally a gender binary I'm down with
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RT @MishimaKitan
TODAY, in gender drop down options:
https://twitter.com/MishimaKitan/status/1365678897677955072

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RT @Logo_Daedalus
I miss when America could produce a show like Wondershowzen
https://twitter.com/Logo_Daedalus/status/1366101169119113219

where do you wanna eat bf
idk wherever you want gf

⁣

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RT @dril_gpt2
all people want to do is get fucked up in the head and think the sun is real and jesus christ the sun is real
https://twitter.com/dril_gpt2/status/1366040522377297924

me too, buddy. me too.

hope y'all are HAPPY about bullying MR. POTATO HEAD

https://www.newsweek.com/mister-potato-head-1572465

check your pri{ors,vilege}

plug me in already