y'all seen Atypical? its this Netflix show about an autistic high schooler and his various struggles. I've seen it around but only just watched the first episode; it's wild how relatable it is, tbh. I'm not nearly as autistic as he is, but I'm honestly not as far as many think.

autism is, fundamentally, about sensory disregulation; all else flows downstream from the consequences thereof. I'm pretty bad with that; I get easily overwhelmed, and am militant about controlling my environment as a consequence

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RT @pee_zombie
it stems from genetic predisposition & environmental triggers for increased neural sensitivity. all else is downstream of this: from sensory issues to poor theory of mind, overly-rigid think…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1402299721633480706

many classic autistic behaviors are, in fact, learned responses after several iterations of meltdown cycles. we learn what triggers us, and try very hard to avoid it. some of us manage to learn how to moderate our reactions to said overstimulation, but many others don't.

what can seem to many as an unreasonable arbitrary preference can, to us, quite literally feel like the only thing standing between sanity and hell; autists are extraordinarily sensitive, contrary to popular belief, and as such predisposed to extreme reactions.

this is ironic, as the common conception of autists is as being blunt and insensitive; this is accurate, but it's an N-ary effect, not the ground. a cybernetic system naturally seeks to remain within parameters, using whatever regulatory levers it has at its disposal.

in our case, the primary lever is downregulation of sensory inputs, ie, weighing the data coming from the outside world much lower than is typical, in order for it to not overwhelm the comparatively weaker internal signals. this is desirable to avoid pathological feedback cycles.

this, ofc, is all an autonomic process, and many of us never become consciously aware of this dynamic, causing us to go through life believing this insensitivity to be an inherent aspect of our psyches, when in fact, the opposite is true. this can be okay, but it's suboptimal.

over time, w/ much introspection, I learned to access the level where this muting occurred, and to willfully loosen it; to increase my sensitivity to the world to normal levels, & beyond, to those I'd naturally have. this allowed me to glimpse what @Meaningness terms "vividness"

there are many ways to define vividness. to me, it's something akin to experiencing every part of the world at equal intensity, being in a state of lowkey ecstasy continuously, feeling every sensation to its utmost; tuning into the frequency of your élan vital

this is dangerous

unmoderated, this can lead you into a degenerative cycle of mania, as you allow your intensity of sensation to build past your regulatory system's ability to moderate, and feedback loops set in, accelerating the effect, self-perpetuating until meltdown

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RT @pee_zombie
3. the ADHD mind, naturally, is great at introducing randomness and "heating up" the attention function, jumping around with great intensity, which can lead to a wide …
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1338975731280474115

for many like me, this leads us to develop behavioral complexes like ADHD, anxiety, depression, often misattributed to "chemical imbalances", rather than pre-existing neuropsychological dynamics. crediting neurotransmitter distributions is rather like saying diplomats cause war.

naturally, when pharmacological interventions are introduced for this sort of problem, only the symptoms are temporarily alleviated, rather than the underlying dynamics generating the pathologies.

the correct answer is, instead, for us to improve our self-regulatory capabilities

for me, this took the form of athletics, mindfulness meditation, CBT, astronautical expeditions, quite a bit too much rationalism, and many instances of fucking up horribly.

but eventually, I found myself passing as neurotypical consistently

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RT @pee_zombie
sufficiently advanced autism is indistinguishable from just being competent

many people IRL don't actually believe me when I tell them i'm an aspie; i'm too sociable, too perce…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1397985417639698432

there's a sizable contingent which claims this should not be the goal, that instead we should seek to reform society such that our peculiar brand of behavior is accepted as perfectly normal; this is a ridiculous cope by those terrified to admit they're afraid to try and improve.

ofc, the situation is different for those significantly more disabled than me; & make no mistake, autism is a disability. what else do you call a permanent condition which significantly increases the effort level required for you to exist in normal society?

its ok to admit this.