oh wizened tortle 🐢 @tortle@schelling.pt

The sexual tension between wanting to ask my friends if they can help me find lsd and not wanting to offend them by letting them know I think they're someone who can help me find lsd.

I once almost got a colleague in trouble because I was slagging off a client to him in his dms while he was in a meeting with his camera on. Luckily wasn't screensharing.

He could read the little notifications and was trying hard to not laugh but people started noticing.
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RT @chinesegon
told my coworker i was getting day drunk through slack and that little notification popped up while he was presenting to management. it’s so over
https://twitter.com/chinesegon/status/1648400278935470080

I have become unstoppably agentic. Nothing can stop me from lying in bed to enjoy the heated mattress cover as I scroll twitter.

If I were a girl I reckon I'd love wearing dresses cos I love big jackets and feeling them swish around me

And also my EA enemies, of course 😇

I would like to tag like nearly all of my EA friends who're off doing EA stuff
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RT @bstract_thot
tag your artist friends. tag everyone
https://twitter.com/bstract_thot/status/1648041489883357186

Sounds like fake news
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RT @api_assasin
Having a girlfriend is pretty lit
https://twitter.com/api_assasin/status/1648082905644797952

Results! Roughly what I think people would expect, although seems PEOPLE tend to say they'd WANT to be supportive to their partner if they were like this.
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RT @ohwizenedtortle
When he's feeling emotional he hugs them or plays with them. He talks to them, sometimes in a baby voice. Sometimes he sings to them. He normally talks about how he's feeling with them, like they're a friend.

This makes you:
https://twitter.com/ohwizenedtortle/status/1646374187618156544

I just went to the dentist for the first time in five years and now I'm a transhumanist.

Get rid of these teeth I don't want to have to deal with them any more.

I'm not ashamed to admit it (at 3 AM, when the Brits are asleep).

Honestly the main reason I don't want to move to the UK is cos I don't like the accent

How have we been to karaoke but still not sung Mulan's Be A Man?? @Aizazadi_ @shakaz_ @pyrodiscus

We are so back
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RT @ohwizenedtortle
@Laura_k_Duffy Incredible. A whole world of places for me to have meetings has just been revealed to me.
https://twitter.com/ohwizenedtortle/status/1648086756607295488

So sick of my friends telling me I look good but not taking photos of me for dating profile.

I know I look good, it's the girlies who don't understand!!! 😞

Walking around the neighbourhood at 6 PM sick and still in pajamas, but listening to Charli xcx so I can claim I'm still in my Hot Girl Summer arc
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RT @ohwizenedtortle
I bring a sort of walking around in my pajamas and bathrobe vibe to this upper class suburb that the neighbours (may) not really like
https://twitter.com/ohwizenedtortle/status/1647869983031169029

I bring a sort of walking around in my pajamas and bathrobe vibe to this upper class suburb that the neighbours (may) not really like