both, really, if I'm being honest, but the former is MUCH more useful than the latter, & achieves the desired goals more neatly

vast majority of people (incl. most nonbinaries) don't have a clear conception of what it means to BE a gender

this stems from label/box confusion

the indexing problem shows up here as well

gender as something you are (innate) vs something you do (performative) is a fraught topic, one even most progressives don't get

this is apparent when trans gender essentialists claim you can't change gender

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RT @pee_zombie
the most fundamental ideological conflict is btwn folders & tags; the ontological differences btwn hierarchical & associative indexing underlie every major object-leve…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1377404570452680707

you can't have both; is gender innate, and dysphoria only resolvable by transition? or is it performative, and you could simply change your behavior?

same with sexual orientation; can you learn to be gay (performative) or are you born gay (innate)

nonbinaries reject this scheme

a big issue here is that many people have made their answer to this question a fundamental part of their identity (something they are), and hence cannot evaluate the arguments rationally, lest it prove to be less solid than they imagined (something they do)

I don't really have much of a point here besides to plant my flag firmly in the performative/learned camp. it doesn't make any sense to "not be a girl", it just doesn't parse. what you mean is "I see myself as not being someone who performs femininity predominantly"