i see we're talking about autists being annoying today
ftr: autists are annoying. this is non-controversial. get over it.
the real Q is whether its the responsibility of:
1. others to not think/say theyre annoying, or
2. the autists in question to maintain their own boundaries
any reasonable adult knows the correct answer is obviously 2, and if you have to ask why, you probably wont like my profile very much and should probably leave it
now, why are so many smart people saying the answer is 1? bc they dont believe its possible for them to not get hurt
they're effectively externalizing responsibility for managing their emotions to their environment, by equating "me not being upset" with "the environment not being upsetting"
this is understandable, for small children! for adults, not so much
some want their world to be soft
however, this is unreasonable; i'd say, "so long as scarcity remains", but lets be real, even after that, there will be people who insist on being upsetting
so, if the world cannot be made as soft as you'd like your internal environment to be, what is left?
to toughen up.
some say this dichotomy is a primary fault line in political ideology, with one's position on this subject being rather predictive of their political position; I've observed some amount of this, but its reductive
however, there are certainly collectivist pathologies on the left
i'd want to say, at this point, that I don't want to delve into culture war issues, but unfortunately, I don't think that's possible with this, being as central as it is
so much discourse comes down to "who is responsible for this", & the right answer is almost always "you are"
this is considered massively unkosher to say in many circles, esp. left-leaning progressive American ones; it gets one branded problematic & toxic. a major reasons i came to twitter was to find better circles.
it can be rather hard to encourage personal responsibility nowadays.