not even gunna bother posting my results for this latest autism test, they're basically what you'd expect
the more interesting aspect here is, imo, my internal conflict when filling these out
it can be hard to decide whether to give the "natural" answer, or the "actual" one
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RT @pareinoia
hmm
https://twitter.com/pareinoia/status/1397962559022678018
the "natural" answer is, what is my underlying tendency, the biological predisposition
the "actual" answer is, how do things play out in most day to day situations
there's typically a huge difference btwn these, as I've learned to compensate for my issues rather well
sufficiently advanced autism is indistinguishable from just being competent
many people IRL don't actually believe me when I tell them i'm an aspie; i'm too sociable, too perceptive, too "normal"
thats bc i've sunk much effort into learning to be that way
some call this masking
i, personally, don't. i'm no stranger to masking, as I do it quite often, in situations where for whatever reason it behooves me to come off a certain way
but what i'm talking about is wholly other; its not just ACTING, but BEING
not just mimicry, but full-resolution simulation
the difference here is a subtle, but important one
masking is: "i know i'm supposed to laugh at their joke bc everyone else is, even tho i dont think its funny"
but this is: "that joke wasn't funny, but I value making them feel at ease/appreciated"
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RT @pee_zombie
the system itself has maximum depth, by definition, as the yardstick against which the simulation is measured
the simulacra has minimum depth, only capable of pre-deter…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1391632228694863873
one might say i'm splitting hairs here, but IMO this is a crucial distinction; WHY are you taking an action? is your motivation to not stand out, or are trying to achieve something specific? is the action material to your goals, or are you just following a script?
sometimes, I laugh bc i'm masking, for ex., when I don't care about the interaction v much & just want to get thru it; this isn't unique to autism, as mostly everyone does this; everyone masks sometimes
so, when a question asks about this, what to say? yes, I mask, but so do you
this phenomenon exhibits itself in many domains, such as language-learning; ever noticed that immigrants tend to have a higher command of their second language than native speakers, on average?
where natives just absorb a language & its rules ambiently, immigrants have to study
that intentional studying often gives one a deeper understanding of the domain in question, affording them more competence than is typical
i've always been like this; very little comes naturally to me, & as a consequence i'm unusually good at many things
autism is a superpower
many of the other questions follow a similar pattern; they ask about my natural tendencies, which are very much autist in nature (light sensitivity, cognitive rigidity, etc), ones which thru effort I've compensated for, often to the extent that I'm more competent than normies