you know when someone's blaming you for whatevers happening to them, but you're not doing it, it's just their expectation of you doing something that's hurting them? that's causal parallax
it's the emotional equivalent of repeatedly running into a brick wall & getting mad at it
this happens often w/ people who are not very self aware, or don't have a good understanding of boundaries; from their perspective, clearly they're standing still while the world moves around them. they don't realize that they're even DOING anything, by setting up an expectation
the fundamental issue here similar to that of the inertial frame; without an external reference point, it can be difficult to objectively determine which of you is "doing" the action in question. after all, subjectively, each of you perceives the other to be moving towards them!
getting out of this quandary requires a cognitive reframe, to step out of the lens one is using and trying a different one on for size. the issue is, however, that when emotions come into the picture, the ego clings, not wanting to relinquish control
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RT @pee_zombie
"sticky" frames are powerful and dangerous tools; they tend to become all-encompassing and to infect every belief they come in contact with
our psychic immune system, w…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1414093335027982338
our egos, our illusions of a coherent Self, are highly sticky metaframes; pervading everything, they shape every thought, relate all back to this self-concept. this is done for good reason, namely that it's a powerful heuristic & saves energy; but the attractor is hard to escape.
when stuck in this psychic well, we see everything solipsistically, being the centers of our own universes; it becomes nigh impossible to truly consider others' perspectives, to place equal weight on their desires. everything they do HAS to be about us, bc what else is there?
imagine someone walked up to you on the street and demanded you moved, when they could just walk around you, and got upset when you refused; that's causal parallax.
is it any different when someone demands you join them in their panic, and gets upset when you remain calm?
or perhaps when a well-meaning but tedious friend takes it personally that you don't let them dump their rage on you for the umpteenth time, asking them too communicate in a way that respects your boundaries; they're hurting themselves by making demands which you won't meet
one often runs unto casual parallax when beginning to enforce boundaries with people they previously hadn't; many are entirely unused to finding no-go zones where they could previously run amok, and react unkindly. don't let this discourage you; we are each entitled to our peace.
psychological well-being is a fragile thing, susceptible to breakage by outside disruptions; we must proactively draw & defend our borders to have any hope at inner peace.
the universe is fundamentally chaotic, but we can carve out a garden in our minds
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RT @pee_zombie
homeostasis is the pursuit of biological ergodicity by living beings, an attempt to perpetually stave off the cessation of optionality, the halting state; in this wa…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1393631100497432577
such people often get upset with you for maintaining your boundaries, as they expected to be able to "pass through" the space they're protecting; instead, what seems to happen is that you approach & push them. this parallax can be frustrating to resolve, as it requires a reframe