alex @alexthecamel@schelling.pt

the poly thing seems completely unhelpful to me if people could stop insinuating demographics im part of are suspicious and predatory that'd be great thx

good to discover that blindspot and relations do seem to be thawing a bit

so i think the actual story here was "we were somehow missing an entire parallel grapevine for reporting sexual assault allegations among EAs, targeted at people who were mistrustful of EA"
(also "you cannot actually control who calls themselves an EA")

[i guess i'm excluding poly people who don't feel any jealousy whatsover and mono people who are too lazy to be poly here]

also i am now fully willing to admit that poly people are queer

like i wouldin fact feel like a terrible person for controlling who partners date/hook up with.
there's always going to be the system 1 temptation to sideeye each other and think "that can't possibly be healthy"

im not sure how easy it is to stop people feeling pressured into mono or poly given these are like ... moral visions of what healthy relationships should look like which are completely at odds with each other

it seems good to base your intuitions about these things around 'hey this is a person' rather than repurpose neural machinery that people used to use to decide gay sex was a sin or whatever.
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RT @ozyfrantz
it's good to have female characters, characters of color, and queer characters whose experiences are influenced by their identities but whose stories aren't About those things. the same thing is true of characters who are rape survi…
https://twitter.com/ozyfrantz/status/1619740870068273153

someone who does maths for themselves is likely to do better on tests and enjoy themselves more than someone who does maths to be marked 'correct' by the maths teacher

the same seems true for hotness?
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RT @yashkaf
a BEAUTY OPINION is a HOT TAKE is a SEX SCENE, I cover all of them in pursuit of a mystery
https://putanumonit.com/2022/12/13/why-are-women-hot/
https://twitter.com/yashkaf/status/1602769744196964354

ok i guess i ought to add a caveat for the "people in a monogamous relationship decide to open it up cos it's getting stale" situation (often goes poorly but idk if the relationship was going to survive anyway)

idk man i dont understand straight people

like ... I have hooked up with guys who are absolutely capable of dealing with this stuff (it's not difficult, it's just that guys are in such a hurry :P)
and ... I can't help but worry that the problem here is that many guys can't conceive of this as a mode of interaction?

that left them feeling terrible, and the guy doesn’t even realize, right, because he’s so thoughtless about it, because he hasn’t projected himself into the woman’s experience."

" And men approach sex, straight men approach sex without, I think, an awareness of the implied violence, the threat that a lot of women will say yes to sex because they don’t feel empowered to say no, and that can result in a lot of women having sex that they didn’t enjoy,...

quote from Dan Savage https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/10/podcasts/ezra-klein-show-transcript-dan-savage.html which illustrates why i feel suspicious of this phenomenon and how gendered it is

intuition pump is supposed to be like ... you aren't a bad person for being attracted/upset here but a mature person is expected to recognise there's a Good Thing going here whereas a less mature person might try to break up the relationship

like my ITT says "it's worse because you don't get snuggles, it's better because something something stability is nice and it's better to have a partner you know people won't steal" but ime poly people don't go arouns stealing people's partners so I'm still confused

ok q for monogamous people who are like this because of 'jealousy'. suppose a close friend you've got a crush on (and has maybe expressed some interest in you) gets into a relationshuip with someone else. is this strictly worse than "jealousy" for you?

ok i guess we may need coproducts as well to express disjunctions
"either x has a multiplicative inverse or x is 0"
not sure the reals are a "topological field" in this sense though
or we have to settle for a rather more resticted set of FOL objects

(ed: finite products)