Evan Jenkins @ejenk@schelling.pt

When an election result is really close (say, 51-49 or closer), I think it’s right and fine for the winner to come down to who can cheat better.

You tellin me a Sam fried this bank, man?

SBF congratulating himself on how well things are going in the branch of the multiverse where FTX didn’t blow up

This came to me in a dream and I had to share

Shrimp Riceman-Fried

Why is everyone sharing screenshots of scams with the new blue checks and not my awesome tweets with the new blue checks?

Sorry, I’m only friends with other blue checks now.

I have a blue check but I still feel dead inside. I want my $8 back.

me watching crypto prices

All the holdouts who weren’t sure I was the real ejenk

I feel like more people should follow me now that I’m verified

I’m the dishonorable Evan Jenkins.

Only one of us is real.

This is a sad day for my legion of impersonators.

It’s over for you bitches.

Bitcoin now down 75% over the past year. The good news: this means it can only go down another 25%.

Thinking about how if I had legally changed my name to Bobby Rush I'd be a newly elected congressperson.

Giving me norovirus right before Election Day is voter suppression. Going to report my daughter to the Secretary of State.

someone should invent kids that don't give you norovirus