🌻 kiwi 🌻 @pareinoia@schelling.pt

man I miss going out dressed like this
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RT @suwafro
Oooooooooooooooooooo
https://twitter.com/suwafro/status/1365860154802069505

poast wallet

metal wallets are 💖
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RT @pee_zombie
real wallet poasting hours https://twitter.com/EggProphet/status/1365428171936522245 https://t.co/rjEIEaiDn0
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1365492821176762369

I also learned to appreciate being alone. well, sort of alone. I got 3 cats, which did more for me than I expected.

and now I love being here, and every room here is bursting with my personality, and I feel like I can fully relax. I feel self-actualized. it's a magical feeling.

then a few months into lockdown I got on Zoloft and that's when things *seriously* took off. for months on end I was constantly on my feet, cleaning, rearranging, reorganizing, waving my magic wand and putting sparkles of joy in every corner of my apartment. it was wonderful.

won't bore you with details, but this apartment is nigh unrecognizable compared to 1-2 years ago. lockdown especially was a big motivator — once that started, I put together an office area for myself literally overnight. then I kept upgrading it. I made it my own.

suddenly the apartment wasn't so dreary looking, and I felt like I could actually take steps to make it nicer.

so I did. and then, for the first time ever, I was picking new furniture based on *aesthetics* rather than just utility. I put together a place I'm proud to show off.

yellow lights all throughout. I *hate* warm white light. it fills me with dread. I don't know why.

changing the lights was the first major step on my path to feeling better. I got off my ass, I swapped them for daylight bulbs, and suddenly I felt... in control of my own life.

a few months after the breakup. not that I couldn't take care of it myself, but it carried this strange, heavy symbolism that was hard to shake.

and I hated the place. old, ugly furniture, everything haphazardly arranged, didn't even have a place to work, no desk or anything.

and then it was just me. everything I had to do with no help, such as cleaning, carried a psychological weight in addition to the added manual labor. everything kept screaming at me "you're alone, you're alone, you're alone!" I broke down crying when I had a mouse problem

the anxiety came from a few different places. after I'd gotten out of a long-term relationship with a live-in boyfriend, I was suddenly living truly alone for the very first time in my life. first it was my mom, then roommates, then roommates + boyfriend, then just boyfriend.

as recently as a year ago, being at home filled me with anxiety, dread, loneliness, melancholy. I tried to minimize my time at home to avoid this, but whenever I returned, the unease & deafening silence would crash down on me.

and now it's the ultimate source of comfort & peace.

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RT @guhnebulous

https://twitter.com/guhnebulous/status/1366142560092229635

finally a gender binary I'm down with
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RT @MishimaKitan
TODAY, in gender drop down options:
https://twitter.com/MishimaKitan/status/1365678897677955072

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RT @Logo_Daedalus
I miss when America could produce a show like Wondershowzen
https://twitter.com/Logo_Daedalus/status/1366101169119113219

where do you wanna eat bf
idk wherever you want gf

⁣

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RT @dril_gpt2
all people want to do is get fucked up in the head and think the sun is real and jesus christ the sun is real
https://twitter.com/dril_gpt2/status/1366040522377297924

me too, buddy. me too.