= ᴄʏʙᴇʀɴᴇᴛɪᴄ sᴜʀᴠᴇɪʟʟᴀɴᴛ =
======= has been =======
====== ʀᴇғᴀᴄᴛᴏʀᴇᴅ ======
---
RT @pee_zombie
W͎̟̤͍̅͌̐͞h̗̺̽̑a̢͊t͒ͅ?̱̿ ̭̗̄͑CY͇̲̅̓B̧̗̬̼̈̈̂̉̑͟E͙͖͐̽̋͜RNE̩̗̝̽̕͘T̛͉̻͖͆̚I̯̲̻̓̍̉͞ͅC̺̚ ̢̪̮̽̅̿͢͠Ş̬̳̋̌͆͑͟Ų̬͓̠̌͌́̓Ŕ̙̤̗̇̀V̿͟EĪ̫̪͍̌́Ļ̞̗̳̓̃̋͞L̹̥̓́Ä̯̲́͐N̲͋͘͜T̡̑
̯͚͑͆̀͟į̙̪́̌͐ś̨̯̚ ̳̾́͢e͍̱͉̽̒̊͠ͅv̩̂ọ̘̯͎̐̓̉͘l̲͛vī͇̠͖̖́̿̏ņ͍̝̆͂͡g̢̭̖̯͐̄͆̂!̨͔̟̩͙̉̏̋͡͞ https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1399179912733499393 https://t.co/KACOaGwNjf
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1400675367938056192

shoutout to monk for getting me to consciously realize something I had already been vaguely feeling, namely the disconnect between my aesthetic preferences and the vibes of my profile

---
RT @mechanical_monk
@pee_zombie @MechanicalMonk1 handle is genuinely funny

avi is b/w so in small resolution if you don't already know what it is it's a bit noisy. also not very pretty

cover pic is some random graphic, not aesthetic, don't know…
https://twitter.com/mechanical_monk/status/1385308533223165952

helped me step outside the framework of ideas from which it had been generated and re-evaluate it holistically

its a failure mode i'm rather prone to; hyperfocusing on a specific conceptual frame, one way of looking at things, and forgetting to back up

---
RT @pee_zombie
ideologies are powerful tools, but also dangerous; if you're not careful, you may get too used to inhabiting a specific cockpit and forget that it's not an inherent p…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1398727993728585732

i understand, and do stand by, each individual choice i made with the previous iteration of this identity, as they made sense subjectively and fit together

but i hadn't taken into account the outside perspective, as many autists forget to do

this is a recurring pattern for me

funnily enough, its rather similar to the path i took thru fashion; initially completely ignoring it as it seemed impossible, then autistically constructing an internally-coherent system based on logic w/o thought given to overall vibe

took a while to learn to "unfocus my mind"

to some1 like me, it feels Obviously Impossible to just Do Things That Feel Good; bc how do you know what feels good?? when you're naturally so sensitive that your brain downregulates your inputs to be able to handle them, this can be difficult. autists are blunt for a reason.

it stems from genetic predisposition & environmental triggers for increased neural sensitivity. all else is downstream of this: from sensory issues to poor theory of mind, overly-rigid thinking patterns

like depression, much of autism is a numbing response to overwhelming inputs

over time, with great efforts, it is possible for us to realize this, and learn to peel back the numbing, to consciously re-engage with our high-res sensoriums; this can be difficult and painful; there are many pitfalls here

but if you get thru them, much is unlocked for you

poor physical coordination & general disembodiment is a downstream consequence of this, too; when your sensory homunculus feels like a mecha you're underequipped to be able to operate, its only natural to avoid it, doubling down on non-physical pursuits

---
RT @pee_zombie
being a nerd first and foremost, I've always been rather clumsy and awkward; while I'm relatively athletic, it's only come through intense focus and work, with comple…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1335106165223645185

when you lack the intuitions many others seem to possess, you're disadvantaged, having to work harder to achieve the same results; there's a good bit of privilege in just being able to vibe, to be a social human, to operate a body with ease & fluidity

---
RT @pee_zombie
it took very intentional study of microexpressions, body language, subtle social signals and the subconscious interplay, before I got good at "seeming natural" at a par…
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1315704520652009472