I often feel this way when in a state I've learned to identify as "power-saving mode"

when, for whatever reason, synchronizing adequately enough w/ others so as to communicate my internal state feels borderline impossible

so I resort to a more scripted, flat affect presentation
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RT @pee_zombie
lowkey very annoyed to be required to verbalize my thoughts in order to share them

semantic legibilization is phenomenological violence
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1403765933865320453

in this mode I'm less graceful, less willing to accommodate others, to give them the benefit of the doubt, to do the extra cognitive work to parse their ambiguous statements

then, I prefer simple direct precise communication & don't have the energy or wherewithal for quirkiness

it took me a very long time to realize that this came off to others as being cold, hostile, angry

when subjectively I simply felt tired and desperately trying to keep the lights on, so to speak

better to be cold than unresponsive, was my thinking

my friends call this the robot

naturally this has led to much avoidable & regrettable interpersonal strife

what others saw as me being rude & mean, I saw as me being considerate, to remain in operation even when it felt impossible, so as to not just shut down on them

discussing this misunderstanding helped

there's always the initial hump to get over, where people simply don't believe me about my internal experiences in those moments, and that can be more alienating than many imagine I could be capable of feeling

even with other autists, convincing them of this has been difficult

usually comparing it to their own episodes, where they get sensory overload & cry/panic/etc, works

I feel the same things, but handle it differently, due to my own priorities/capabilities

when you're typically rather collected, can be difficult for others to imagine you not so

this is comparable to the differences in how men and women tend to process emotions, as well

many women seem to believe men just don't feel things very strongly, due to us not expressing these feelings

trust me, they're there all right, but the male gender role has obligations.

we're expected to be stable, strong, secure, and able to provide a foundation and container for those around us, to support and provide for them, allowing them to have fewer concerns

I'm quite happy to fill this role, as I imagine many other men are

but we're not perfect

some women seem to have little to no idea what to do with strong male emotion, especially when it's not directed at them, but rather internally; how to comfort the comforter?

this is understandable, but it leads to many interpersonal pathologies

as usual, the way out is through

by leaning into the discomfort, letting one's self feel these things & allow those around you to see you feeling them, over time, the chasm can be bridged, the reciprocal support skills trained

mutual understanding between the genders is possible, contrary to how it often seems

ofc, my own issues are not just gender-based in nature, but also neurological, as this is what autism is, at the root; a neurofeedback pathology stemming from increased sensitivity and decreased regulation capabilities

I've seen similar patterns in others, even when they haven't