👁️ autosurveillant 👁️ @pee_zombie@schelling.pt

would you still love me if I was a homogenous self-assembling unit of compute 🥺👉👈

what if our atoms covalently bonded deep in the Dyson sphere's computronium
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RT @tszzl
in the infinite sea of paperclips my repurposed matter will find yours and our metal twines will interlock
https://twitter.com/tszzl/status/1615172004939980800

my ducks are in constant motion, unacquireable

your ducks are sitting, a perfect target

my ducks are the creatures lurking in the liminal spaces betwixt the realms, the shadows you can only spot out of the corner of your eye, elusive and unsettling

your ducks are all too mundane and comprehensible, in the middle of a daylight courtyard, all mystery sanitized away

my ducks are the tao that cannot be named

your ducks are named and accounted for

my ducks are statistical ensembles of their possible trajectories, a richly varied probability distribution in state space

your ducks are a deterministic toy model, all possible states predefined and documented, with no space for unpredictability

my ducks are a complex adaptive system exhibiting chaotic emergent behavior

your ducks are two-bit automata running through their lines on a loop

my ducks are on the blockchain

my ducks are self-organizing into a decentralized bazaar, rhizomatic in their interconnections and robust against counterparty risk

your ducks are being strong-armed into someone else's notion of order, forced to delegate their consensus processes to a central authority
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RT @demiurgently
my ducks? in a row. ordered. disciplined. behaving predictably.
your ducks? scattered. in disarray. waddling aimlessly. desperate for a leader to…
https://twitter.com/demiurgently/status/1604905361105977352

the person who loved you is dead & you killed him; but that's ok bc he wasn't very kind to you. you deserved better & so did I; the hurt you gave me was a reaction to many others I'd given you. I forgive you, and I'm sorry. I hope we both can let our tulpas back into our hearts.

being unwilling to cross the chasm of forgiveness keeps me from reintegrating that self-aspect, it saps psychic energy into the barrier's upkeep

do I really need to be paying this tax? is this still serving me? or are my spiritual muscles just locked up out of fear and inertia

when your muscles are locked up, you trade safety from injury for access to a part of yourself, to the memory, knowledge, and skills within

and indeed, I've felt cut off from the part of me that loves them; I have trouble remembering what it was like to be him, what he knew

forgiveness seems to be the emotional equivalent of allowing the locked-up muscles to relax, to release the defensive posture and move on; is it any surprise, then, that I also struggle with psychosomatic back pain?

this tendency to cling onto past hurts spans domains

when you hurt your back somehow, your muscles lock up around the injury site, stabilizing your spine and enabling healing

sometimes, however, they don't release after the injury improves; your nervous system is overactive, too eager to protect you, too scared to let go

the goal is to slowly, gently, work thru the layers of muffled emotion to unpack what transpired, to understand rationally the error & learn from it

but sometimes, the split remains even after the lessons have been learned; the spiritual equivalent of psychosomatic pain

a grevious mismodeling can trigger an epistemic crisis, the contagion leaking outwards from the injury; often, the mind chooses to quarantine the damaged region, suppressing the memories and dulling their associated emotion

this contains the psychic prion, but it causes a split

the sharp end of the connection injures the other-model, their tulpa; that subsection of your psyche begins to hurt, radiating pain outwards

if the prediction error was severe enough, the tulpa may become inconsistent; the apparent modeling failure can become infectious

but just what is it that we're avoiding? integration

every social relationship has its terminals anchored in a mental model of the other person; imagine a tensioned cable from A's model of B to B's model of A

when a relationship is severed violently, the ends whiplash

and yet, we can never fully understand any given experience; our observations are limited, our memories imperfect, our reasoning clouded and our motives suspect. given this epistemic context, grasping onto the desire to eliminate all doubt is a maladaptive cope, an avoidance

feels difficult to let go of a painful surprise before you fully understand it; if you didn't predict this one, what else is out there waiting for you? gotta ruminate on it to extract all available insights, to best guard against a potential recurrence