I often feel this way when in a state I've learned to identify as "power-saving mode"
when, for whatever reason, synchronizing adequately enough w/ others so as to communicate my internal state feels borderline impossible
so I resort to a more scripted, flat affect presentation
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RT @pee_zombie
lowkey very annoyed to be required to verbalize my thoughts in order to share them
semantic legibilization is phenomenological violence
https://twitter.com/pee_zombie/status/1403765933865320453
naturally this has led to much avoidable & regrettable interpersonal strife
what others saw as me being rude & mean, I saw as me being considerate, to remain in operation even when it felt impossible, so as to not just shut down on them
discussing this misunderstanding helped
there's always the initial hump to get over, where people simply don't believe me about my internal experiences in those moments, and that can be more alienating than many imagine I could be capable of feeling
even with other autists, convincing them of this has been difficult