sometimes I feel like I'm not really conscious for weeks straight, just going thru life, doin my thing, not reevaluating top level goals, continuing on the same course of action

then once in a while I "come up for air", when journaling or on a long walk

suspect others do too

there isn't really anything wrong with this either, even tho part of me insists it's somehow bad to not always be conscious

I think of it sort of like my conscious self is not the day-to-day worker, but the turn-based strategy game player, putting in actions and then waiting

this isn't particularly novel, as this concept maps to that of the superego, & a few others

just kind of wild to occasionally realize I hadn't "been" a certain person in a long time

this lends credence to the idea that our various selves are just conceptual activation patterns

how you're a different person at work, with various groups of friends, family, alone, etc

different subsets of your conceptual clusters are active in each situation

considering concepts & beliefs are the summations of memory chains, this makes sense, as memories are scoped

an embarrassing memory you only access in the presence of college friends is going to have a stronger effect on you when you're with them, versus when you're with people who never knew that version of you

our selves are comprised of relationships with models of other people

when a person is no longer really part of your life, it is not very useful to surface the self aspect embedded in your relationship with them

but if they come back into your life, this resurfaces, in the form of old dynamics

this is why family visits can be so difficult

I wonder sometimes, if I've ever met certain people's conscious, top level selves, or just their daily driver

how to tell which is the case? do first impressions tend to be formed from the latter? is the former only possible after a deeper connection emerges?

drugs affect this