oh wizened tortle 🐢 @tortle@schelling.pt

I think overall this whole thing is pushing me to "just stay in New York, it is a nice (albeit expensive) default, and just follow your heart even if it says to just stay at home and read all day".

I might try to find people at vibecamp or on Twitter in NYC too, but that's bonus

Anyway, here's some of the lyrics:

Every man has his daydreams
Every man has his goal
People like the way dreams have
Of sticking to the soul

Thunderclouds have their lightning
Nightingales have their song
And don't you see I want my life to be
Something more than long...

I'm reminded of Corner of the Sky from Pippin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mdkyc686VIg

Although honestly when I first heard it I thought (and I think the Schwartz's point is) Pippin was being silly and needed to be happier with not being Great.

I'm currently functioning on 3 hours of sleep (flew from overseas overnight) but re-reading that and thinking more about this makes me wonder whether this is actually just depression. Or is THAT just numbing myself to important existential questions?

I thought @puheenix gave a great metaphor for my intuitions about this.

"Good friends", "sustainable job", etc. are like car maintenance: essential to make sure your car works.

But you need to have a destination in mind, otherwise why have a car?

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RT @ohwizenedtortle
Part of this is that I believe it's valuable for me to figure out where I'm heading with my life. I'm implicitly disagreeing that the model of happiness which i…
https://twitter.com/ohwizenedtortle/status/1653186835018022912

It also assumes that seeing other "ways of being" will help figure out which direction resonates. But it's not clear how to do that, and especially how to do that in <2 weeks.

Part of this is that I believe it's valuable for me to figure out where I'm heading with my life. I'm implicitly disagreeing that the model of happiness which is like "make sure you have good friends, good enough job, fun hobbies" is sufficient for me to feel satisfied.

And final secret thing is that I feel stuck and directionless and I feel like going overseas will help. Just get me out of my current context. But that doesn't feel very strategic. And it's not clear that this will actually help.

...but honestly I don't think I pay a lot of attention to that kind of stuff. I feel like I barely notice the difference between living in Sydney and Melbourne (though that may be because they're actually basically the same). And don't really care when travelling overseas.

Another thing is that I might want to move overseas at some point (for EA reasons). It feels worthwhile visiting the cities to know whether I like living in the area...

One thing I know I enjoy doing is having good conversations with people. But I don't know enough people in any one US city for that to influence things (maybe SF?). Maybe I should wait until I know more people, e.g. having calls with Twitter mutuals?

A big part of this feels connected to the fact I don't know what I like doing. Part of me hopes that being in a different city by myself will force me to figure out and act on what I actually enjoy doing. But maybe not. E.g. it might be harder to find events/groups that I like.

I'm travelling to the US for vibecamp and I have some time to travel around before and after. But I don't really know what I want to do or where to stay.

me: journalling is a good way to talk about the dark shit you're too ashamed to talk to your friends about

also me:

me: journalling is a good way to talk about the dark shit you're too ashamed to talk to your friends about me

also me:

Hmm actually I won't be able to charge my phone for 15 hours so I should probably stop using it now.

Oh well.

I don't know how common this is but I know at least one person who was still really into a guy even after being in a happy relationship for four years and not having seen the guy for a long time.

Never knew what advice to give her.
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RT @thechosenberg
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by a Tinder match that went nowhere
https://twitter.com/thechosenberg/status/1653053525008568320

Did we ever figure out why girls love Taylor Swift? I've been really getting into folklore and it's got a vibe that I don't know how to articulate but I really vibe with.
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RT @AaronBergman18
I am calling for a total and complete shutdown of Taylor Swift, Hinge, and—just to be safe—heterosexuality until we can figure out what the hell is going on
https://twitter.com/AaronBergman18/status/1631852274958884864

Except like for fun language things